An Update: Dealing With Thumbsucking

A few months ago, I wrote about our thumbsucking dilemma.

The thumb is my sleeping buddy. The thumb and this pillow.

I aimed to resolve that before Maia's 3rd birthday but it just seemed impossible. Well, not till 10 days ago. We had to travel to Antique for a family emergency last Friday. We were rushing to catch the first flight going to Iloilo and I accidentally left her favorite bolster pillow at home. We were already in the airport when I realized I made one of the gravest mistakes my forgetfulness could ever do me. That pillow was the ticket to our uninterrupted sleep for the past two years, why did I have to forget that of all things? Tibs was throwing dagger looks at me but we cannot discuss it for the fear that the little girl might notice her precious pillow was missing and throw a tantrum at 3am in the crowded pre-departure area. What's worse, a sleep-deprived Tibs and me might not be able to handle it in the most pleasant way possible and might make a scene. Ugh.

Thankfully, she didn't notice that it was missing. However, when the plane was about to take off she demanded for the pillow. What are we to do? Well, normally we would have stalled and maybe come up with a white lie till we get a replacement but she was demanding for a specific pillow. The cry went exactly like this: Gusto ko ng hotdog ko! Yung color white! May pagong, alligator, yung may zebra! Gusto ko yun, Mommy! Gusto ko yung hotdog ko! (roughly translated as: I want my hotdog [bolster pillow]! The white one! With the turtle! Alligator! The one with the zebra! I want that, Mommy! I want that pillow!) We couldn't come up with a lie at that point because we are thinking of the next 5 days that we will be dealing with. If we lie and say the pillow was just inside one of our bags, the next 5 days will be a nightmare for us. She will not stop till she gets it. If that happens, we might never be able to get at least a night of restful sleep. So we gradually broke it to her (we just got creative while doing it hehe). Our dialogue went: We left the pillow in Cavite. We left it because she was still sleepy when we left and she forgot to wake up the pillow. But the pillow will be waiting excitedly for her to come back. We will make sure to call Ate Belen (our nanny) when the plane lands so she can take good care of her pillow while she's away. She cried of course for maybe about 10mins of the flight. But she eventually got tired and finally succumbed to sleep when her dad started scratching her back. Poor baby.

The first night without the pillow was really bad. We were able to put her to sleep around 10pm already (she normally sleeps at 7-730ish). Thankfully, at my lola's wake, everyone was busy so nobody really notice we were already listening to bad opera in our bedroom (read: Maia screaming, crying for her pillow). She'd wake up every hour or so and demand for the pillow. It was a terrible night for us three.


The second night was (thankfully!) better. My sisters found her a spare pillow (from our past vacations) but she still insisted at first for that specific white pillow with the turtle, alligator and zebra print. She threw the spare bolster pillow many times unto us till her strength ran out and finally slept. It wast still a night filled with so much interruptions. But it was on the 2nd day that we realized the pillow served as her anchor when she takes her thumb to suck. Without the pillow, it's very uncomfortable for her to suck with her arms hanging in the air. That was a light bulb moment for Tibs and me. Instead of feeling helpless, we were suddenly empowered with the thought that we can finally kick the habit out. We just have to be more patient with handling her pre-bedtime (and middle of the night) tantrums. What we did was not make her nap during the day and keep reminding her  we do not have the pillow with us so she should stop demanding it from us.

Our patience paid off! The next 3 days turned out way, way better. She'd cry for just a minute or two. Then would tearfully ask for one of us to scratch her back and she'd silently go to sleep.

Getting back to Cavite was a different story though. She immediately looked for the pillow when we got home. But I already gave instructions to Manang to hide it.

What excuse did we come up with? Well, the stray cats that found solace in the empty lot beside our house became a convenient excuse. Manang told Maia that she couldn't find her pillows anymore and that Mingming (the name we gave the cat) might have taken them away when she was airing them to dry. Maia cried of course. She really cried her heart out. But she somehow knew there was nothing she could do.

So, for the past 10 days she's almost kicked the bad thumbsucking habit away. We only caught her twice I think trying to stick the thumb back into her mouth but again for the lack of support for her arms, the thumb would easily fall out of her mouth when she's fallen to sleep. Some days Manang would tell us she would chase the cat and demand for her pillow. But most days, she gets by just fine.

Day 10: Shhhh...DO NOT DISTURB: ANGEL SLEEPING

I asked from her to stop sucking her thumb before her third birthday but she refused to give in to my request. But 10 days before her birthday, she did give me what I asked from her. I was the one who got the best gift on my daughter's birthday. And it was her who gave it to me.

I'm the luckiest mom in this whole wide world. :)

Will hug Sophie instead. 

Dealing With Thumb-sucking

I cannot count the number of times I've googled for tips on how to help my daughter quit thumb sucking. But none of them has ever provided me with definite answers. Most of my readings suggested that I should not intervene as most kids outgrow it (especially when they start eating solids).

My daughter has been thumb-sucking since she was an infant. I had wanted to intervene right then and there but I was a bookish first time mom and I trusted my readings. I remember distracting her once with a pacifier but she never took my bait. Pacifiers were never as good as the thumb I reckon. So I told myself I will just interfere when she's already two and still sucking. At that time, I trusted that she will eventually get rid of the habit when she starts eating solids. 

In one of my readings, I came across these guide questions:

-Does she suck all day? 

-Was it affecting her oral development? 

-Was the habit interfering with her social and communication skills? 

Should I answer yes to all three, it suggested that I put an effort towards ending the habit. But at that point, I felt I was in the other end of the spectrum. The first question I could answer with a firm NO. Maia and the thumb were best friends only during bedtime because it lulled her to sleep.But it never really progressed to a all-day affair. The other two I couldn't answer yet with a definite NO at that time but I was confident it will be then so I decided to take it easy. I also came across a write up (couldn't remember where I read it now) that correlated smoking addiction to a kid never outgrowing his oral stage. I did not want that to happen to my daughter so I left her alone. I told myself I should let nature take its course and wait for her to rid of the habit on her own.

Unfortunately, she never did. Now she is turning 3 in a few months and  I am anxious because I've set myself a deadline - away with the sucking by the 3rd birthday.

This weekend we brought the little girl to the dentist for her routine check up and the dentist echoed my fears. When the thumb-sucking persists, we will have to deal with more teeth problem than expected. She mentioned another issue -- apparently, there are some believers that thumb-sucking is a sign of childhood insecurity and is usually a manifestation that you are not spending time with your kid. The teeth problem we can fix with braces but it really bothered me being told that my little girl will grow up to be insecure and being judged to be a parent who doesn't spend time with her child. That thought nagged me overnight. Then I realized I take the effort to parent consciously. My husband and I do make sure we spend quality time with our daughter, so why should I be bothered?

So I am letting that part go. But I know I still have to do something about this thumb-sucking. I've tried gently talking her out of it. I've tried the reward system. I've gone to the point of scaring her the fingers might fall off if she kept on it. I've tried wrapping the hand in mittens. All these 'gentle' attempts failed. The best it got us was a few days off then she's back on it again. Now the thumb is already calloused.

Yesterday, I resorted to drastic measures and put ginger extract over the favorite thumb. I forgot about timing though and got the worst tantrum we've ever had to deal with in return. Yes, if you are going to train your kid to get rid of a habit please do remember NOT to do it when you're about to put your child to sleep. Tired + away with the habit is NOT a good combination. I ended up with one wailing - or rather hysterically shouting - little girl. "Tama na, Mommy. Tama na, Mommy! Masakiiiiiiiiiiiit!" I was already half expecting a knock from the neighbor asking what's wrong because she sounded like we were hurting her. I could take the hysterics but her dad couldn't. I was confident that she understood we had a 'project' to finish and I felt I just had to be firm about it but the hubby was already begging me to give in and even if I kept telling him giving in to the tantrum would be inconsistency on our part he wouldn't hear of it. So I folded. I hugged her and I told her I love her very much. She went to sleep sobbing. That really broke my heart so I vowed to go easy next time.

That night when we were about to sleep and I reminded her of our 'project', she stroked my face and told me "Mommy, go to sleep now. Goodnight!" I knew she would have wanted to spend a few more extra minutes clowning around with me but instead opted to bribe me into sleeping way ahead of her just so she can escape my nagging. She even cupped my face and said I love you and kissed me goodnight. It caught me by surprised and I realized "wow, she's now using her charm to get her way. Amazing how kids think these days"

I am still searching for tips that could help me deal with this issue better. I can now answer the guide questions with a firm NO. But I still believe that doing away with the habit will benefit her in many ways than one. Right now, I'm just grateful there are days I can now sit with her and talk things through. I'm glad that even at this early age, she knows that she has to let it go eventually. I now understand that she is just asking for some 'palugit' from Mommy. There are just days that I can't understand how we were able to wean from bottle-feeding on schedule. We did it cold turkey and she never made it difficult for us.

Oh well, we will get there. For now, I guess I will have to remind myself that there are just certain habits that are really hard to break. And it's even more difficult if they are habits that bring you so much comfort. What's a kid to do? It's a big world out there, everything's just so new and the thumb is the closest best friend there is.

If you're dealing with the same issue as me, I'm sharing here two articles from Dr. Sears and BabyCenter that you might find useful. If you've successfully kicked out this habit, I'd appreciate you sharing your personal tips as well. Thanks for taking time to read this post.