Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I'm A Grown Up Now! (and some yaya rants)

I called her baby this morning and she told me: "I'm mad at you Mommy!" then stormed into our bedroom to disappear from my sight.

I asked her back, "Why are you mad at me?" and she replied, "You just called me baby! And I told you I'm grown up already! I'm not a baby anymore!"

Oh Maia, it felt like it was only yesterday when I was holding a 7-pounder baby in my arms and rocking her to sleep (singing broken lullabies because I never learned to sing one before you were born) and now look at you! Why are you in such a hurry to grow up?!#$!

Sun-bathing at 2 months
Taken just last weekend. Sometimes we would stare at her when she sleeps and  would be filled with awe.
"see how big those thighs are? and these feet? oh and these hands"

Side story: We are again yaya-less and I had to break the news to her - "Ate Belen is not coming back anymore". I found it surprising how unaffected she was with my news. It was as if she was already expecting it to happen.

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Maia, hindi na daw babalik si Ate Belen. (Maia, Ate Belen is not coming back anymore)
Maia: Okay lang Mommy. Si Tita Lingling (her dad's cousin) na lang kasama ko dito sa house. (It's okay Mommy. Tita Lingling will keep me company)
Me: (speechless for a moment) Ah okay anak. That's good. Pero si Tita uuwi na rin sa Sabado. Pano na tayo nyan? (then a light-bulb moment but now feels like an inappropriate conversation with a toddler) Hmmm, papayag ka ba na ikaw na lang dito mag-isa sa house? Di ba sabi mo parati kaya mo na sarili mo kasi big ka na? Iiwanan ka na lang ni Mommy food for lunch sa table tapos maglaro at magbasa ka na lang no habang antay mo kami ni Daddy dumating? Bawal ka lang lumabas ng house hanggang di mo kasama si Mommy at Daddy. Pwede ba yun? (Oh that's good baby. But Tita needs to go home this Saturday. Hmmm, would you be alright if you'd be all alone in the house? I will just leave your lunch on the table and you can just play and read while you wait for me and daddy to come home. You can't go out on your own though. You will have to wait for me and Daddy. Will that work?)
Maia: Oo. Pwede naman Mommy. Kasi big girl na ako eh. Kaya ko na yan. (yes mommy, that can work because i'm a big girl now. I can do it!)

This conversation made me tear up - with me  at the height of being hormonal and the stress that this yaya mess is giving me - I wasn't able to contain myself anymore. I hugged the little girl and stood up to cry silently in the bathroom. It is during these times that I really wish I have the flexibility to just give up my job and stay at home with my daughter. 

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