Back To Reality

I'm finally easing back to my reality. Days filled with meetings, conference calls, attacking a huge paper pile, polishing reports, dealing with graphs and pie charts. It can get crazier and crazier if I go on.



A few days ago, I allowed myself to wallow in sadness. I mourned the end of my hands on mothering. I've been so into the moment this past two weeks that I briefly forgot that role already took a backseat several months ago. Was it good that I was given the chance to play hands-on mommy again? Of course. But I feel bad it had to end so soon. Just when I was already so immersed to the role. If you are an instagram contact you know what I mean as I've been flooding your feeds with coosome twosome pictures of me and the little girl for days now.







In the past weeks, I did the laundry, pressed Maia's uniforms, scrubbed the floors, dipped my curious hands into baking, made daily visits to the nearby wet market, rushed to the supermarket on a weekday for our weekly groceries, planned our daily menu, washed the dishes. Things that I used to enjoy doing but haven't done for so long now. Ahh and it's just so liberating that I do not have to worry about work and just enjoy my time with my little girl!

It's been a very tiring two weeks for me. But more than the aching muscles and joints, it's really fulfilling to see my daughter so happy to have been around the house all to herself for one full day.

Christmas Cheers 2013

I posted this photo earlier today in IG with this caption: She's been practicing for her presentation since last week. I feel so sad I won't be around to witness the fruit of her hardwork. But. A working mom's gotta do what she needs to do. Super sigh.

Most working parents (if not all) can probably relate to that post. I have not only once, twice, or even thrice been in this situation before. And I've only been a parent to a school age kid for 2 years. When she moves to big school next year (yes, we are graduating to grade school parents by next year), I'm bracing myself for the worse. I would like to believe though that missing these things can be made up by my giving our bonding sessions my full, unadulterated attention. Time after work is the only thing I can offer her. For now, yes that is enough. I hope she really grows up to understand why there are days I will really have to miss moments like this. Sigh. Why does life have to be filled with trade offs?

Dalawang tulog na lang and we'll be off to our family holiday. We'll be full time parents again with no nanny to help us get through the day. I'm so looking forward to that. It's going to be challenging and tiring for most part. But yes, I'm totally prepared to plunge into it.

While I revel at that thought, let me leave you with a photo of my pretty little miss in her presentation get up. She truly enjoyed her day so much that she replayed her presentation to her dad and me tonight not just once but twice complete with giggles and squeals. Oh how comforting those squeals sounded like. I suddenly felt like I wasn't the worst mom in the world at all. That it really is just okay that I couldn't make time to be with her today.

Looking so grown up and every bit a student. I love you so much, Maia.
Always remember that.

Playing Catch Up With My Little Miss Over Breakfast (And Goodbye Mingming)

I came to work a little later than usual today because the kid was demanding I sit beside her while she finish breakfast. She now keeps track of how often or rare for that matter I did this or that for her. Today, it's keeping her company at breakfast.

I let her take full reign on me this time. I think I deserve it anyway. I deserved to be bossed around my this tiny little scrawny kid. I've been an absentee parent for sometime now. And for a little girl who's had hands on parent for most of her life, that's something totally new and will be definitely felt.

So I let her take breakfast leisurely. I made her two open-faced choco sandwiches which she ate with great gusto. We chatted a bit too. We mostly discussed about Mingming. Our pet stray cat, Mingming, passed on this morning. Ate Inday discovered him lifeless at our laundry area this morning. Tibs had to dig a deep hole this morning so we can bury Mingming properly. The little girl promised to prettify Mingming's tomb today with flowers. We'll see how it turns out to be later. I was worried she will cry but she bravely surprised me by saying: Okay lang yan kahit wala na si mingming. Malapit naman na akong magkaroon ng dog eh! Arf arf! Arf arf! It is conversations like this that I truly miss the most. I never regret being marked tardy at work in exchange for moments like this.

Sharing with you some photos of our dear Mingming. R.I.P. little fella. Thank you for being part of our life especially of Maia's.

Pabaon For Mommy's Trip To Japan (and a letter from a homesick momma)

I miss you so much Maia. Malas ko I am currently using a borrowed laptop, I was not able to check if a webcam was installed or if it has speakers. Daddy tried to call via skype and we couldn't hear each other. Sigh. I miss the shrill of your youthful voice. I miss your whining. I miss your kiddie smell a.k.a. amoy araw/amoy aso smell. I miss your kili-kili. I miss tickling you and making you giggle like there's no tomorrow.

For now, before I go to sleep let me just recall what you said when you handed this note to me the night before I left for this trip:

"This is for you, Mommy. It says: when Mommy go to Japan(ese), I will take care of my daddy. I will listen and obey. I will make my mommy and daddy happy. BUT. I will miss my Mommy!"

Haaaaaaaaaaaaay. I'm crying homesick tears bebe girl. It's a different thing when I'm preoccupied with work (I totally forgot about my afternoon coffee break today and I barely took toilet breaks), but when I'm back in my hotel room like this with no one to talk to I miss you so bad. And I realize, this past few years there's always you  I can to talk to when I get home from a very tiring day at work. I miss your tight hugs. I wish I packaged it and brought lots of it here with me. (or maybe just brought Georgie or Babbie with me? I wasn't prepared, obviously).

This morning, when they discussed the possibility of us extending, I felt my knees go weak. (and I just prayed silently "Dear God, please not a week more." I hope he somehow heard me). A week just feels like ages. I couldn't bear extending for another week more.

I hope you and daddy are taking good care of each other. I love you, both. From Japan(ese) and back!

Thoughts Of A Tired Working Momma

My heart aches a bit. Not being able to personally take you to summer class makes me feel like a worthless mom. This is one of the few things that you always look forward to during the year. And I'm not there to take you.

Every night I ask you if you feel Mommy's love. You always tell me YES. I hope despite my shortcomings, you will always feel that way.

I am happy that you always feel secured by our love. Yes, you are very vocal about wanting to have a car to take you to Jollibee anytime you feel like chomping on a Chicken Joy. But other than that, you are a relatively easy kid to please.

My bread baker's masterpiece. "Masarap yan Mommy!"

Yesterday, you were so proud to bring home a piece of the bread bun that you helped to bake. You told Ate Inday to just pinch the edge to taste it since you wanted to leave most of it for mom and dad. My heart swells. Daddy's heart swelled even larger than mine, I'm sure.

Last night, you told me you are going to make cupcakes today. I can't wait to see what you brought home for us. You are the sweetest, Maia. Sometimes, I feel so unworthy of that. But in times like these when I leave the office dog-tired, the thought of you alone is enough to wipe my exhaustion away.

I am soooo lucky to have you.

Sick Little Miss

One thing I dread about being a parent is having a kid who is sick. It renders me sleepless and wanting to camp in a doctor's clinic.

Yes, after almost 5 years I still am a worry-wart when my kid gets sick. I try not to entertain bad thoughts but I can't help it. And the worse part, I have to take care of a sick kid through the phone. I am scheduled to take a long leave from work for our upcoming Antique vacation so I'm trying not to miss any more work days just to avoid feeling guilty about passing on some work to my co-workers while I'm gone.

But today, I'm having a difficult time staying focused on work. I keep thinking about my sick little miss. Nasty flu just won't leave her alone. Just last month, she also nursed a fever for a couple of days because she ended up with a sore throat. But it's been ages since she registered high fever. For a couple of years now, we only had to deal with fevers that were below 39 degrees Celcius. A few minutes ago though, Ate Inday took her temperature and it registered 39.4. Now I'm worried sick.

Please  help us pray she gets better soon. She's so excited about her Antique vacation I'm really praying hard it pushes through. I hope it's just something viral and that her system is just fighting it hard (thus the high fever).

Just last weekend before dry coughing and subsequent fevers took the best of her.

No Work, All Play

I have been looking forward to December the minute the 3rd quarter of the year hit because I rarely get to spend a whole day with the little miss at home anymore. The previous days I get a time off from work were usually taken over by hospital check ups and well check ups so this December I vowed to dedicate it entirely to bonding with her. 

And that's exactly what we did. The first week of my leave, we scheduled a visit to her dad's office and watched the Christmas lights show at the Ayala Triangle before it ended it's run. I also managed to squeeze in a visit to a new dentist for the little miss (I think we can now graduate to a general dentist).

What I enjoyed the most though were the mornings that we spent strolling around our village and at the playground. Now that she's very vocal and verbal about everything that tickles her curiosity I get to share meaningful conversations with her. I also get to hear more stories about school which were very rare before. 

practicing on the scooter that 'Santa' gifted to her for Christmas

she wanted for me to get inside this thing and sit beside her
but I just couldn't fit myself into it so I just took pictures instead. haha

swinging bravely on her own.
seeing her doing things like this independently just makes my heart swell
(and skip a beat too haha!)

cruisin' like a pro (ang sarap-sarap dito Mommy! sarap ng hangin!)

True that she tried to challenge my patience in those two weeks that we spent together (almost everyday) but it was nothing that a couple of breathe in, breathe outs couldn't fix. 

When I Kiss You Goodbye

I don't know why, everytime I kiss you goodbye my heart always feels like it's being torn to pieces. 

It's at its worst in the wee hours of the morning when Daddy and I leave for our long distance runs. Like this morning for instance, I wanted to just kiss you lightly but then you stirred and opened your eyes bright. My heart just sank even if you just went to kiss me back (3x - one per cheek and then a big smack on the lips) and bid me bye-bye. You hardly cry when we bid you byebye but I don't know if it's the paranoid in me that's giving me strange thoughts like it could be the last and I just have to drink in that moment. I always end up hugging you very, very tightly. And wishing I could wrap you up and bring you with me. Sometimes I'd wish you're already big enough so we can bring you with us to run. 

When I look at you these days, I can see how much you've grown. Physically, you're taller (a few more months and you'll be as tall as my shoulders). I can hardly carry you now but I'm thankful you'd still reach up for me to carry you on some days. 

Sigh. I wish though I'd stop feeling sad when I bid you byebye because coming home is always something to look forward to as well (and don't get me wrong, I do look forward to that EVERY.SINGLE.DAY). But I really just can't help it. I'm not yet out of the door but I always, always miss you terribly already. 

I love you very much, Maia. I hope you will always feel secured by that thought. 

On Fieldtrips

The kid's preschool class is going on a class fieldtrip to Manila Ocean Park tomorrow. I opted not to let her join them. I informed her then and she gave me her nod of approval. But of course, I knew she's bound to change her mind. As most kids would, anyways. And this morning, when it finally dawned on her that she's not going there with her classmates she started sobbing. 

"Gusto ko sumama sa fieldtrip, Mommy! Gusto ko talaga!" 

With the sobbing and that pitiful tone almost reaching the point of unbearable, I started considering the idea of calling the school to ask if she and Ate Inday can still join the last minute. But I took a deep breath and recalled the reason why I took the strong decision not to let her go. And I gave her my final word - No, she's not going this time. I told her she's been there already and I have pictures to prove.

"Pero hindi pa ako nakapunta don ng BIG na ako! Small pa ako nun, Mommy! Ngayon BIG na."

Okay, I rest my case. But I reminded her that next month we also have a scheduled trip there with her Ninang Yette whose visiting from Malaysia. Argument not accepted. But she conceded knowing she will never get her way this time.

Last year, when were rounding up prospective schools, one of the questions I posed to the school tour guides was about fieldtrips. I asked if they were required and what would be the consequence if we (or my kid) won't join. I had to ask that because I always felt that at 4 or 5 and even at 6, kids are not supposed to be subjected to fieldtrips  because I find it torturous making them fall in line for a long time and I personally think being around so many people isn't very conducive to learning at all (i doubt if they learn anything in that trip anyways). If it was just a trip for a small group like maybe of 20 kids I might reconsider but of 50 is a different story. Add the parents to that and you have two buses filled with parents and kids all of different temperaments. So yes, I really meant to say I asked that question first because I do not want to be pressured into having my kid go on a fieldtrip. I just don't think it's appropriate. So anyways, the kid's school assured us it not a requirement at all. When you're 7 and able to really enjoy the long lines while chatting with school friends, little girl, I will let you join. (you see Mommy is no KJ at all. you just have to wait a little longer. and waiting is not a bad thing, you know)

But yes, I feel guilty now that she went into that drama this morning. I questioned my parenting. But no, I won't let one fieldtrip be a judge on how good or bad of a parent I am. I am no expert at this whole parenting thing. But I would like to think that I don't just make decisions at a snap of my finger. I study my options. I weigh the pros and cons. That should be enough for now (RIGHT?). 

Some days, I wish this parenting thing came with a manual.

The Doctor Is In

Today is community day/trick or treating day in the little miss's school. They are supposed to come to school dressed as their favorite community helpers. Maia chose to come as a doctor. Sadly, I can't be with her again today. Because well -- I have work.

I know that we are always given options. Today I have two: miss work and come in tomorrow. Or come to work today and earn the ticket to miss work tomorrow. I chose the latter. Because the latter would give me more time to spend with the kids (my nephew is here for a week-long visit). I can take them to the museum and maybe if we still have time and maybe if they're not tired yet we can still drop by the zoo. The kid's cousin only comes to visit once a year and I think I owe him too at least a day to come and see things (read: Manila sights).

But missing the kid's school activities always renders me heartbroken. And I tend to beat myself up for stuff like this. Sigh.I know, I know that just like the heartbreaks I felt with all those milestones I missed, I will eventually get over this. I will eventually realize that supermom is really just somebody fictional. And that I should stop aiming to be one. (Today though I will just wallow in this pool of sadness. Sorry for the rather gloomy post. I just need to let this out)

Meantime, thank you Ate Inday for stepping in for us. I hope they make more of you. 

A Little Dose Of Saccharine To Brighten Your Day, Mommy!

Before I left for work this morning, kid handed me this bunch of weeds and said: "bring it with you to the office ha, Mommy? May vase ka ba doon? Kailangan kasi ilagay yan sa vase"

I finally understand why my husband was not gifted with sweetness. God was probably thinking it's not a swell idea surrounding me with too much saccharine. I wouldn't be too happy acquiring Diabetes anyways. So yes, an overly sweet daughter should be enough to cover for two. 

Hope you're having a wonderful week! We're halfway through with October. I still am cramming for the kid's class party (which is happening in 2 days) but again, I keep telling myself we're after the salo-salo (class get-together) so there's really no need for me to pressure myself. Sana nga. Sana nga. 

Let The Emotions Flow

I was stuck in traffic this morning so I plugged in my headset and prepared for a light snooze. I figured it was going to be a long ride to work anyways so I might as well grab the opportunity to nap. But in the middle of my favorite song, my phone rang but was dropped as soon as I moved to answer it. MAIA. It registered. Panic enveloped me. It isn't normal for Inday to be calling me just a few minutes after I left the house. But I tried my hardest to stay calm and dialed back to check what was wrong.

Inday answered my call after two rings. And I heaved a sigh of relief hearing her calm and poised. Then she handed over the phone to a crying little miss. "Mommy!!!! $@!&*$ ---" (sob sob). No she wasn't cursing I just didn't understand a single word she said while crying at the same time. I took a deep breathe. Then I asked her again what was wrong.

"You didn't bring my letter! Nakalimutan mo!"

Oh my. Yes I did forgot about it. And she took a lot of effort trying to tape it gently and all. And I forgot it. Of course, she was hurt. She probably felt I neglected her efforts.

As I was sharing a few months back, it has since become a favorite hobby of hers to write or draw letters for her dad and me. And this morning in particular, she got inspired watching me and her dad eat our breakfast together that she immediately set out to sketch something for us. When she was done with the drawing she handed it to me for approval saying: "Dalhin mo yan sa office ha. Letter ko yan para sa yo. Teka ite-tape ko lang Mommy tapos lagay mo sa bag mo." I saw how she measure and cut each of the tapes meticulously. Nag-effort talaga. I thanked her for it. Gave her a tight hug too.

But I forgot to place it inside my bag.

And she saw it when she got back from her morning playdate and after I've left for work already. (bad mommy!)

At first I told her to stop crying...I will bring it with me tomorrow instead. Then as I was about to repeat the don't cry anymore speech I remembered this article I read about avoiding monologues like that (i.e. DON'T CRY, STOP CRYING) because it's like training your kid to suppress their emotions when they're only starting to learn and identify the different types at this early age. So I bit my tongue and rephrased my speech.

"You feel sad, baby?" Opo

"O sige, just cry it out then pag naubos na iyak mo at nawala na lungkot mo you make more letters and drawings for mommy and daddy to bring to the office tomorrow ha?" (Pause) OPO!

Sigh. This parenting thing can sometimes wear you out. But I chose not to dwell on the mistake part and instead be grateful that I am able to remember some of the good stuff that I should be really practicing.

I said my byebyes and hearing the little miss's voice shift to a more cheerful tone assured me she's going to be alright. I plugged my earphones in again and took my nap. We're still stuck in traffic fer chrissakes.

this wall behind her is usually filled with her sketches and doodles.
sigh. you are growing up so fast little girl i can hardly catch up.

Working Mom Musings (Out Loud)

After almost 4 years of being a working mom you'd think I finally got the hang of it. Well, for awhile I thought I did too. Having a kid who happily sends me off when I kiss her good-bye when I leave for work in the mornings and rarely asks me to stay home instead of going to the office definitely eases things out for me. I've seriously toyed with the idea of giving up my job and becoming a full time mom years back but having weighed the options available for us I've finally accepted that it is not the best option available for us for now and probably not in next couple of years more. 

So SAHM-hood is not the way to go for me. But today was just one of those days that make me wish I had flexible working hours so I could spend the entire day with this adorable girl. To cushion the sudden surge of sadness and somehow fight the urge to call in sick, I just snapped a photo to bring with me to work. If I could stare at it all day, I would. But of course, I couldn't. So I'll just 'preserve' that in here for now.

Thank you for letting Mommy take your photo today Maia. Even if you don't feel like posing for more photos already. I love you. I can't wait to get home already!

fake smile for mommy. hehe. pagod na daw kasi.

smelly and sweaty from the strenuous dance workout with playmate Isabel this morning

sayang putol ang I Love You sign. 

Enthusiastic Preschooler

Dearest Maia,

Your dad took 2 days off from work last week. You requested that he be there at the gates when you classes are done for the day but you also insisted that I go there so the three of us can come home together. But I can't do that for now. Daddy and I promised you we will do it one day. And hopefully soon!

Daddy was so happy to see how enthusiastic you were to go to school. We were initially envisioning a lot of struggles between you and Ate Inday when you prepare for school in the mornings. But one month past, that has never been the case. 

Ate Inday has been telling us that 15 minutes before your scheduled school service pick up time, you are usually already seated in front of our house umbrella in hand and happily awaiting the school service's arrival. We can only imagine how that looked like since we're usually gone by the time you get ready. But today, Daddy being on another 3-day (insert Mommy's inggit look) vacation leave personally witnessed how easy it was to prepare you for school. 

Last Tuesday, your school had to suspend classes because of the heavy rains and some flooding on other parts of the Metro. When daddy broke the news to you, you cried...no wailed. You insisted that he takes you instead. Because you don't want to miss school. And your friends. And your teachers. Daddy had to call me at work while trying so hard to stifle his laughter. You are too funny little girl. But the sight of you daddy says is also some kind of heartwarming. You make it all so worth our efforts and hard work.

Just keep the enthusiasm going little girl. Because I'm sure there will come a day you'll grow tired. But with enough enthusiasm to fuel you, I believe you will never stay tired for long!

Love always,
Mommy (and Daddy too!)

review weekend

made lines for her to trace but she made a puzzle out of it instead

Honing Their Cutting Skills

The past few days (turning to weeks soon) has driven me to leaving the house earlier than usual. Things have been kind of hectic (some days manic) at work and I just really want to finish everything the soonest time possible so I can finally breath and get things in order at home before we set school preparations into full motion. I anticipate that things will get even crazier then so I wanted to start getting the kid used to schedules - feeding, sleeping, playing. I know that somehow clashes with my desire to practice Waldorf ways at home but I just see life at the home-front to be a lot more easier if we (by that I mean Tibs and me) have more grasp on these things (again feeding, sleeping, playing). I just wanted to set a routine of sorts so that her body gets use to a certain schedule and I'm sure the rest will just follow. Maia is very adaptable to routines anyways so I'm confident things will get better in (take or leave) a month. What I need now however is the TIME. So I'm doubling the effort just to make that. 

When I temporarily shift my attention to work however, I get awfully obsessed with how the kid's day is going. I am even more worried with the hours she might be spending with the TV (which admittedly becomes more frequent when I don't set or leave a list of her activities for the day). I am very thankful however that these past few days she's been spending more and more time playing actively outdoors. Her cousin (Tibs' niece) Ghabby is staying with us for a few weeks and having her around definitely eased my worry. Since she arrived Maia has been busy with play and this morning I caught them happily cutting away paper scraps. Light bulb moment hit me again: I decided to make it even more fun and challenging for them. I drew shapes and had them cut it out for me. I told them to keep the shapes they cut and show it to me later when I get home. 

I am sure I'll have two proud girls waiting for me later. And I can't wait to see what they have for me.

to each her own

Caught A Ball Today!

when we got inside the house,
she grabbed a pen and started drawing our play time this morning

For this year, I made a resolution to always play with Maia in the mornings before I leave for work. She has always been a morning kid (wakes up as early as 5am and never sleeps past 7am) since she learned to sleep straight through the night (so that was around 4 months if I recall correctly) and we thought it would be a wonderful idea to enjoy the morning sun with her. BUT...as most resolutions are, I was not able to keep it. I think it ran for a good one week and then I couldn't drag myself out of bed before 6am everyday after that. But I do get to do it with her at least 2-3x a week and I don't think she really minds me missing it some days. 

However, Tibs have been noticing that even on really good mornings (read: no tantrum incidence for at least an hour after waking) she would immediately go for our mobile phones just right after greeting us with a big cheery GOOD MORNING followed  by a kiss. 

"Just one Mommy. Puhleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase"  **insert puckered lips and twinkling eyes**

Yes, her negotiating skills have drastically improved the past few months. She can match that pleading tone with a really cute puckered look that even somebody who's had a rough night couldn't say no to. It's just too cute to ignore and heartbreaking to deny.

This has been going on for weeks now. A few days ago however Tibs was telling me he doesn't like how the little girl has been obsessing on the phone apps and would want us to take strolls in the morning again to break off the habit. And so we did. Yesterday, she was contented with just one round around our block. This morning she asked me to chase her around the rotonda and she squealed like there's no tomorrow every time I caught up with her. Then she took my hand and ushered me to walk back to our house already. 

"Gusto ko catch the ball Mommy. Yung ball ko na may scribble scribble kukunin ko lang. "

That ball has already deflated and was thrown already. But she was okay with using a different ball. She was just excited to play catch. So I threw. Guess what happened. She caught it! Caught it like a pro, she did! Oh man, was I happy? 

Maia is already 40 months old. You'd probably think there was nothing celebratory about her catching a ball. But you see, she's been struggling with this skill for months now. Each time she drops a ball, she gets really frustrated. I thought she's already given up trying. But today, no sir. She just had to catch it. 

I don't know if she learned that skill a long time ago and just wanted to show it off this morning. But that doesn't matter to me really. Each time I see a milestone, I always feel like I saw it first. My daughter makes me feel that way. She always manages to make me feel like it's okay to be gone during the day and work my a$s off because I will always get to be in the front seat when her milestones premieres. 

Mommy's Baon For Today

I had to come to work early today so I had to skip another morning playtime session with my pretty little miss. It's tough coming in early on a Monday. The weekend always feels bitin. It's a good thing I brought baon to work today.

I can stare at this the entire day and not get tired of it. I took this shot yesterday afternoon after playing Hide-and-Seek. Ain't she pretty?

Oh Maia. I just want you to know that Mommy always misses you when she's at work. I think about you all the time. I wish I can bring you here. I wouldn't mind the endless questions that always starts with BAKIT? (Why?). I will make sure I'll have answers ready for you. 

I made her a note and stuck it to our fridge this morning. Yes, I make her notes even if she doesn't know how to read yet. I just wanted her to know that I love her very, very much. This is what I wrote this morning.

Dear Maia,

Mommy loves you very much. Be a good girl always. Listen. Obey. Respect.

Love,
Mom

I'm A Grown Up Now! (and some yaya rants)

I called her baby this morning and she told me: "I'm mad at you Mommy!" then stormed into our bedroom to disappear from my sight.

I asked her back, "Why are you mad at me?" and she replied, "You just called me baby! And I told you I'm grown up already! I'm not a baby anymore!"

Oh Maia, it felt like it was only yesterday when I was holding a 7-pounder baby in my arms and rocking her to sleep (singing broken lullabies because I never learned to sing one before you were born) and now look at you! Why are you in such a hurry to grow up?!#$!

Sun-bathing at 2 months

Taken just last weekend. Sometimes we would stare at her when she sleeps and  would be filled with awe.
"see how big those thighs are? and these feet? oh and these hands"

Side story: We are again yaya-less and I had to break the news to her - "Ate Belen is not coming back anymore". I found it surprising how unaffected she was with my news. It was as if she was already expecting it to happen.

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Maia, hindi na daw babalik si Ate Belen. (Maia, Ate Belen is not coming back anymore)

Maia: Okay lang Mommy. Si Tita Lingling (her dad's cousin) na lang kasama ko dito sa house. (It's okay Mommy. Tita Lingling will keep me company)

Me: (speechless for a moment) Ah okay anak. That's good. Pero si Tita uuwi na rin sa Sabado. Pano na tayo nyan? (then a light-bulb moment but now feels like an inappropriate conversation with a toddler) Hmmm, papayag ka ba na ikaw na lang dito mag-isa sa house? Di ba sabi mo parati kaya mo na sarili mo kasi big ka na? Iiwanan ka na lang ni Mommy food for lunch sa table tapos maglaro at magbasa ka na lang no habang antay mo kami ni Daddy dumating? Bawal ka lang lumabas ng house hanggang di mo kasama si Mommy at Daddy. Pwede ba yun? (Oh that's good baby. But Tita needs to go home this Saturday. Hmmm, would you be alright if you'd be all alone in the house? I will just leave your lunch on the table and you can just play and read while you wait for me and daddy to come home. You can't go out on your own though. You will have to wait for me and Daddy. Will that work?)

Maia: Oo. Pwede naman Mommy. Kasi big girl na ako eh. Kaya ko na yan. (yes mommy, that can work because i'm a big girl now. I can do it!)

This conversation made me tear up - with me  at the height of being hormonal and the stress that this yaya mess is giving me - I wasn't able to contain myself anymore. I hugged the little girl and stood up to cry silently in the bathroom. It is during these times that I really wish I have the flexibility to just give up my job and stay at home with my daughter. 

Stricken By Stomach Flu

The little miss is currently having a big bout with stomach flu. I was up at 1am yesterday monitoring her since she's been vomiting (she threw up 3x before breakfast). This morning she held on to my hand when I was bidding her goodbye. She requested that I spend a few more minutes holding her hand. She dozed off while I was lightly rubbing her back. I kissed her and immediately left after that because I knew if I was to stay longer I won't have the heart to leave her anymore. I am desperately trying to keep my focus so I won't give in to this desire to go home and personally tend to my sick little girl. I already took a day off from work yesterday to bring her to the Pedia so I really do not have that luxury to take another day off. 

Luckily our Pedia thought there's no need for any medications yet and instead told us to just keep hydrating BUT was instructed to immediately bring her to the ER if the vomiting persists. My little girl has already developed a fear of hospitals having been confined several times already before she turned two. Last year was a lot better and we were hoping we will be taking a long break from needle pricks, IV insertions and sleeping in hospital beds. Having understood already what her pedia said yesterday, she's been fighting her sickness real hard. She finally got some food in during lunch yesterday and took a few spoonfuls again for dinner last night. I was so happy she didn't throw up. This morning she was hungrier than usual. She took a bite of my peanut butter sandwich and ate almost half a cup of rice + egg for breakfast. But I guess the peanut butter didn't go well with her still sensitive tummy so she pooped immediately after breakfast. Then on my way to work, the nanny called to tell me she threw up a little bit when she woke up from her nap. Sigh.

She's been taking Glucolyte and is active but I'm really really hoping the vomiting and pooping will really stop. She's been through enough. And it breaks my heart hearing her say, "ayaw ko na. ayaw ko na" while desperately trying not to vomit.

Please pray she gets better. She's still thinking of making her dad a birthday card for his birthday this weekend.

Please be well already little girl. 

Thank You Just Made My Day

I was rushing to work this morning when I heard a muffled sound of plastic crashing and Maia suddenly shouted, "Sorry Mommy. Di ko sinasadya magkalat toys Mommy. Nalaglag mga pangluto ko! Ligpit mo na lang ha?"

That brought a smile to my face. Maia has become so verbal lately that there are days we'd wonder who put those words into her mouth.

Well I know the statement above doesn't sound all too positive and happy and charming. They do resonate a certain tone of fear, don't they? But don't worry, she wasn't trembling in fear when she said that. And we were never the punishing kind. She knew that scattered toys doesn't bother us. We got used to them already over the years. That was why I wondered where she got that statement - Di ko sinasadya magkalat ng toys Mommy. But well, I am out of the house for almost 12 hours 5 times in a week so I can only guess where she heard that. When these things come up, I just reinforce by telling her "hindi naman bawal magkalat, anak". Toys are made for playing so it's natural to see them out in the open . BUT she knows she has to pack them away when she's done because the toys need to rest too. And this simple rule usually works for us.

But I am digressing yet again. What I really wanted to document today was what followed after she said that statement. As I was dressing up she came up to me and told me again, "ikaw na ligpit ha?" I was running late already so I tried again -- "Ikaw na baby please, papasok na si Mommy eh." But sorry me, she really knows how to use her charm already: "Ikaw na lang Mommy, sige na".

I knew she was only gunning for my last minute attention before I leave her for the day so I gave in. I got down on my knees and started collecting the scattered toys. Guess what she did: she went down too and started helping me out. She said: "Tulungan na kita Mommy. Thank you Mommy ligpit mo pangluto ko. Mamaya ikakalat ulit ito ni Tito JR at ni Georgie". Hahaha that last statement just made me laugh hard (she was referring to my baby cousin and her toy monkey) but hearing her say THANK YOU was music to my ears. Ahhhhh the joys of parenting yet again.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Maia and her pangluto