This morning we had a very interesting topic over breakfast.
Crushes.
She told us she gets teased often in school now. I bet the our daddy's heart was a bit crushed seeing how her little baby girl giggled at the mere mention of the word.
And yet, when we asked her if she knew what it meant - she still responded with a NO. So for now, we gave a simple explanation in the form of the word "LIKE". And we impliedly discouraged further use of the word "CRUSH".
But she did admit she gets "kilig". What is "kilig", Mommy?
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaay Maia. No wonder your daddy wants to freeze time now.
I was feeling under the weather (nah, make that terrible) this morning so I decided to just stay home and rest. The kid was ecstatic to have me linger in bed way past my usual 7am wake up call. We grabbed a quick breakfast with the hubs and went back to bed. I dozed off a little bit more while she grabbed a couple of pens and paper and doodled in bed while watching me sleep.
At around 9am, Ate Inday called out to her to get ready. I was shaken to full-awake mode when I saw her climbed the bed and grabbed a set of her school uniform from the cabinet beside our bed. I stealthily got up to check on where she's taking the uniform and grinned when I saw her place it gently on our sofa and started dressing up.
My 5 year old can now prepare for school on her own! I am one beaming (albeit silently as I do not want to startle her since she tends to be very self-conscious when caught doing something seemingly amazing) momma once again! I tried to recall how I was as a 5 year old and I don't even think I can match her skill set now. Although, growing up with both of my parents working, I learned to become independent at an early age as well. Looking back, I do not regret growing up in that environment. At an early age, I learned the value of hard work. And I think it was one of the values that are very, very important to teach to my kid. Learning the value of hard work also teaches you to be resilient. It teaches you honesty. It teaches you respect. It teaches you honor.
Okay. I should stop now (I fear I might sound preach-y soon). Ending this post instead with this:
Dear Maia,
Watching you prepare your things for school today and dress up on your own was kind of surreal. I didn't think I will witness you do such things this early. But I'm really happy. (and a bit sad...but really more, more happy). You are growing up to be the little girl that I've always hoped you to be. You always tell me you understand if Mommy cannot take care of you the way she used to and now I see why. You are now learning to do things on your own!!! Amazing you! I love you to bits, my little miss!
Keep it up, Maia! Continue your pursuit to discover what other things you can start to do on your own beginning today. Me and daddy will always remain by your side to serve as your guide. May you always take inspiration on hardwork that is immensely valued in our family. May it teach you the virtues that it taught me growing up. Remember that there may be no shortcuts to success but hard work will always lead you to it. As long as you remain passionate.
We love you very much! We are lucky to be called your parents!
Last Tuesday, I received a note that the little girl is scheduled to have her "graduation" photo taken. I went a little sentimental, was teary-eyed even and announced to my co-worker who is a parent to a kindergarten student herself that I will have a graduate soon. We both exchanged "how fast time flies" stories for a bit. And after that talk, I realized I'm slowly transforming and gently letting go of the helicopter parent personality. I have since ceased to be overly worried about every single minute that my kid is in school. Most days during the school week, I would forget to check if she's home already.
This school year, mostly due to drastic changes at work, I had to lie low on being super mommy. I think all these changes was probably God-driven as I would come to realize now that with me getting really busy, I've become the cool mom that I exactly wished to be. I stopped being worried about whether she's reviewed enough for an exam or if her homework is done right or if the artwork rating is perfect. Am I a bad mommy? Nah, I stopped beating myself hard on that one. I think my little girl and I finally struck our balance. I've started letting her be herself which at this point, appears to be just best approach for her personality.
I am extremely blessed to have a daughter who was born with a big, understanding heart. I missed half of the school activities she had this year but I'm lucky I have a supportive husband and a super yaya to fill in when needed. We celebrate a milestone soon! And it's all because of everyone's hardwork!
My little girl's moving up to a whole new chapter soon. Exciting times ahead! And our entire household just couldn't wait!!!
I really wish I remembered now or even just wrote a few words in this draft post to give me a clue of why I had this photo of you sitting in that corner serving your much deserved time out. But I do vividly remember though that when I told you I had to do it, you just nodded your head and proceeded to grab your chair. You gently positioned it in that corner and went on to sit till the time you need to serve was up. Your puppy eyes were pleading for me to forgive and yet you kept quite in that corner. You waited till I signaled it was okay to leave that corner.
"You sit there for 5 minutes." I had to say that firmly making sure I didn't choke or show any sign of amusement.
On times like these, you never argue with me now. You perfectly understand the rules in our house. You know that when you did something wrong, you need to be "punished". You hardly even cry anymore. Like in this photo. You didn't cry anymore. But I know you were really sorry.
I often here you say you are now my big baby. Our big baby. I'm happy you still like to be called our baby. I hope you will never feel embarrassed if in case you're all grown up and we still call you Baby. Don't worry sweetie, it's not going to be that often but I hope when the moment hits us you would allow us to baby you that way we do right now. Because really, you will forever remain our baby. (forgive Mommy, I'm just extra sentimental today)
p.s. You might eventually be curious if time outs ever worked for you and might be surprised to know that they did work. Time outs gave us both the time to regroup and rethink our actions. On your part maybe it wasn't that way yet but almost always when we talk after your time outs, you seem to realize what your mistakes were and would acknowledge them by readily offering your heartfelt apologies. That is enough for me and your dad. I hope you will never outgrow that gift of genuine humility and courage to accept your mistakes because when you are older they would probably become one of the most difficult virtues to nurture and live by.
As a child, I hated naptimes. My grandmother, who was our primary caregiver then, was however very keen on us getting enough napping hours because she really believed that nap time was an essential part of a kid's growth. One of her tricks then to get us to nap was to tell us we will never grow an inch further if we don't take our naps. ("maputot na lang gid timo indi run timo magtaas") If there was any truth to that, I guess, you can tell by looking at me that yes I was not a fan of that afternoon activity. I would pretend to close my eyes and get up the minute my lola would leave our side to do other chores.
I never thought I'd resort to one of my lola's tricks now that I'm a mom. Not till this afternoon. Although, I did tell the little miss it was Lola Apoy who told me that missing afternoon naps will stunt my growth. It didn't bother her at all. And it didn't surprise me. That trick never worked for me anyways. Why would I ever think I can fool my own kid?
"I'm just not sleepy, Mommy. Di ba mahaba ang tulog ko kagabi?"
But you have to take enough rest during weekends so you'll have plenty of energy during schooldays, anak. Try to close your eyes now. Makakatulog ka rin.
(feigns sleep for a few seconds) "Ayaw talaga eh. Hindi ko talaga kaya matulog" (then she goes to ask me to make her some warm milk. she drank it up fast but still didn't show any sign of sleepiness after finishing a full glass)
O sige. Ako na lang ang matutulog.
So I forcefully closed my eyes to feign sleep too but ended up actually falling asleep myself. I woke up after (maybe) 15 minutes and there she was, snoring next to me with her arms wrapped tightly around her favorite bolster.
Yun lang pala ang dapat ginawa ko 'nak, di mo na lang sinabi agad.
Are naptimes also a challenge for you and your kid/s? How do you convince them to take naps without having to go through so much drama?
I used to be a very bookish parent. When something scares me, I'd read up and read up thinking that if I read more about it then I'd be so knowledgeable I won't ever make a mistake about my parenting decisions. I thought reading and more research would make me a perfect parent.
But I would later find out that such is not the case. And that parenting is still led more by instinct than learned through research And that it is a learning in progress and not something you learn overnight or over weeks of reading. I believe that each child is unique and it's probably wiser to say that they demand the equal amount of uniqueness in the parenting style department.
I'm not very fond of labels because I easily forget them and confuse them between one and the other. So I really don't have a label for the parenting style I subscribe to. What I am sure though is, I would as much (given my limitations as a working mom) want to be an active participant in raising my kid. And I believe I can only maximize that if I become intentional with my parenting decisions.
So even if I am tempted to always give in to my kid's every whim, every want, every desire and every request I try to step back and survey my options first. I try not to be dictated by the norm which is to measure my motherhood success by being able to immediately provide for her every need (and even want). Even if turning down some of her request pinches every corner of my heart, I do it because my natural parenting instinct tells me I am teaching her to be independent by doing so.
Yes, it is very fulfilling to be able to provide for all of our kid's needs. But the fact remains, we will never always be around to give them and help them with everything they need. I do recognize that part of my responsibility as a parent is to equip and teach my daughter fundamental life survival skills. I do not have a list of what they are, I only have my own personal experiences to guide me through. I do think life has somehow equipped me with enough lessons to impart to my kid. I will try my hardest to take only what is necessary though. I would not want to overwhelm her with my must-do's. I do not want her to live my life. I want her to create her own adventures but armed with just enough wisdom from mom to help her make her own decisions.
I watched my baby grow from a very dependent infant to a strong-willed preschooler. I'm sure there's going to be more fascinating developments to look forward to in the coming years. But every time she comes to me to show proudly how she'd managed to do something on her own, my heart swells.
Such is the delight you get from being a hands on parent. My husband isn't as hands on as I am. But I do hope in time, I inspire him to get more involved. Because the fulfillment you get from it is always a hundredfold.
While we were at the playground earlier today, I was watching you and your daddy intently and I was swept by nostalgia once again. I couldn't stop myself from digging up your infant photos. I caught myself doing a sigh at every click.
You did this several times today. And your dad had that same look on his face all through out. I realized. I'm tougher than him when it came to this. I probably watched you get hurt many times over I've been numbed already. And yes, I believe too that shielding you from hurt will never help you at all. You came down safely on your own by the way.
Some days, your wits make me forget you are only 52 months old. But most days, it's really your physical features that tend to confuse me. You don't look anywhere near the sweet-smelling, plump baby girl that I used to lull to sleep in my arms.
3 summers ago. wow.
Your interests has shifted differently now. You now like everything girly. Polished nails. Hairbrushes. Make up. Barbie (I cringe at the thought though). And to think, I use to worry you might grow up a tomboy like me. But you are starting to be my exact same opposite. Haha. No complains though (except on that part with Barbie in it).
Earlier today. "Why are we called prncesses again, Mommy?"
3 years ago. She could barely say the word PRINCESS yet.
These past few days before I leave for work, you always insist that I sit on your dresser so you can personally put my make up on. (I rarely go to work with make up but these days, you definitely force me to do better). You would demand to be given the freedom to choose what clothes to wear now and what shoes you'd like to pair it with and what hairdo would go best with that. And we rarely do meddle on those. Because we value your demand for independence and making your own choices.
pretty ukay dress from her lola. See, it's not just me who loves to dress her up.
today we were hitting the playground but she insisted on wearing these shoes. oh well.
from a recent birthday party that she attended. fear of mascots conquered!
BUT for now don't grow up too fast, please? I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Linger for awhile. I still would like to find a way to bottle up what's remaining of that baby breath of yours, most especially. I'd still want to be able to carry you on some days when I'd be all nostalgic about your infant days.
Ours was spent quietly inside our tiny home with windows closed. I did prepare something for Media Noche but the husband and I decided to forego it so we can go to sleep immediately after all the neighbor's firecrackers have been lighted and used up. We did have fun watching the fireworks display (c/o the neighbors too) from inside the comforts of our home though. And despite being scared off initially by the loud firecrackers, our little miss eventually got the hang of all the noise a few minutes into the merriment. She also got hold of her torotots. Blew a few loud horns and proceeded to stand in the door to silently watch the remaining displays of fiery colors up in the night sky from a safe distance.
Having lived away from my family for almost 6 years prior to getting married, I am used to these quite celebrations. I cherish it deeply, in fact, something I always look forward to at the end of the year. But I'm starting to wonder if this will ever create a lasting impression on the little miss's memory. I was hoping she would hold these quite celebrations dear but being hooked in Instagram (add me up by the way: pyxxie0703) and seeing how most of the families I know are out and about welcoming the new year with a loud bang (in Eastwood, in MOA, in QC), I'm starting to doubt my intentions. Maybe when she's grown she would label her parents as boring. But really, the reason why we prefer to stay at home is because we wanted to raise a kid who appreciates simple things. And who values family first and foremost. Because to the husband and me who takes pride on those two things - appreciation of simple things and a high regard for family - quite celebrations are what we deem to be the grandest of all. That's our primary intention. But I can only hope for now that she picks those up.
However, wherever you celebrated your the coming of the new year, I hope you had a blast. If you're out there partying, please know I'm not judging. Someday, when the kid is older I would want to try that too. For now, I will take the smile she had on her face while blowing those torotots as a sign that yes, she had fun spending it quietly it us. I should probably just add more tradition/s (maybe picking one special menu to cook with her) next year so I could ensure she remembers something from this part of her childhood.
It's exactly one month to go before we celebrate your birthday. You are turning 4 by then. Wow FOUR. Although it has been months already since you starting claiming to be four already. "Four na ako eh. Di na ako baby", I still feel light-headed when I think about it. Time flies by really, really, extra, super fast. By the way, you lifted that entire statement verbatim from the adults in the house of course. You are so good at doing that nowadays. Some days you would even mimic all our conversations, just to annoy us mostly. We would pretend to be annoyed of course. Then you'd get the last laugh, as always.
This year is going to be the first time that you will be celebrating your birthday in school. Of course, as early as June you already have been planning what your birthday celebration would be. You asked for a Tinkerbell theme. No, you have never seen a single Tinkerbell cartoon show. But you saw it in one of the Disney reviewers that Mommy Ninang gave you and you immediately declared yourself to be her biggest fan. So almost instantly, you scraped off the Mickey Mouse birthday cake that you have been asking me to get you since last year and replaced it with a Tinkerbell cake. I wanted to give in to your theme request. But of course, we needed the financier's approval and unfortunately, it was disapproved. But he agreed to meet with you halfway and gave us permission to do a Forest/Fairy themed one.
And now I'm scouring my tiny brain for ideas and finding none at all. We'll probably go for the rainbow cake again this year. I love the homey-feel that it brought to your party last year. (It actually made me feel like I was the one who baked your cake when in fact I really have no inkling how to make one) Then I'll just look for fairy figurines to top it.
What I worry more about is your class giveaway. I wanted that to be a treat for everyone. But I'm not fond of giving kids sweets and the usual art kit. I wanted your giveaway to be meaningful. Initially I thought to give your class potted plants (just like the plants you brought home after your gardening class at St Michael last summer). But Daddy doesn't think that's logistically possible since 1) how do we transport all 22 pots from our house to your school via public transportation? 2) where can we source those potted plants in the first place? I think his concerns were valid and that made me sadder. It somehow pressured me to think of something even more unique. And that's really hard. I wish we could both sit down and plan about it already. But of course I wouldn't want to enslave you with petty adult problems like this.
Mommy has always been a crammer anyway. So I'm putting all my cards in my cramming magic once again. Wish me luck, baby. As I really wouldn't want to disappoint you.
I was stuck in traffic this morning so I plugged in my headset and prepared for a light snooze. I figured it was going to be a long ride to work anyways so I might as well grab the opportunity to nap. But in the middle of my favorite song, my phone rang but was dropped as soon as I moved to answer it. MAIA. It registered. Panic enveloped me. It isn't normal for Inday to be calling me just a few minutes after I left the house. But I tried my hardest to stay calm and dialed back to check what was wrong.
Inday answered my call after two rings. And I heaved a sigh of relief hearing her calm and poised. Then she handed over the phone to a crying little miss. "Mommy!!!! $@!&*$ ---" (sob sob). No she wasn't cursing I just didn't understand a single word she said while crying at the same time. I took a deep breathe. Then I asked her again what was wrong.
"You didn't bring my letter! Nakalimutan mo!"
Oh my. Yes I did forgot about it. And she took a lot of effort trying to tape it gently and all. And I forgot it. Of course, she was hurt. She probably felt I neglected her efforts.
As I was sharing a few months back, it has since become a favorite hobby of hers to write or draw letters for her dad and me. And this morning in particular, she got inspired watching me and her dad eat our breakfast together that she immediately set out to sketch something for us. When she was done with the drawing she handed it to me for approval saying: "Dalhin mo yan sa office ha. Letter ko yan para sa yo. Teka ite-tape ko lang Mommy tapos lagay mo sa bag mo." I saw how she measure and cut each of the tapes meticulously. Nag-effort talaga. I thanked her for it. Gave her a tight hug too.
But I forgot to place it inside my bag.
And she saw it when she got back from her morning playdate and after I've left for work already. (bad mommy!)
At first I told her to stop crying...I will bring it with me tomorrow instead. Then as I was about to repeat the don't cry anymore speech I remembered this article I read about avoiding monologues like that (i.e. DON'T CRY, STOP CRYING) because it's like training your kid to suppress their emotions when they're only starting to learn and identify the different types at this early age. So I bit my tongue and rephrased my speech.
"You feel sad, baby?" Opo
"O sige, just cry it out then pag naubos na iyak mo at nawala na lungkot mo you make more letters and drawings for mommy and daddy to bring to the office tomorrow ha?" (Pause) OPO!
Sigh. This parenting thing can sometimes wear you out. But I chose not to dwell on the mistake part and instead be grateful that I am able to remember some of the good stuff that I should be really practicing.
I said my byebyes and hearing the little miss's voice shift to a more cheerful tone assured me she's going to be alright. I plugged my earphones in again and took my nap. We're still stuck in traffic fer chrissakes.
this wall behind her is usually filled with her sketches and doodles.
sigh. you are growing up so fast little girl i can hardly catch up.
My siblings and I were raised to love books and reading. We grew up surrounded by 3 sets of encyclopedias and National Geographic coffee table books and history books. We had this encyclopedia-dictionary (tabby, was it collier's? i couldn't remember now) that the 3 of us older kids then would fight over because we all wanted to read it at the same time. We started reading Constantino when we were in grade school. Back then it was something really fun to learn history and all the trivia I learned from reading that book just came in handy when I was already in College.
Reading, on the other hand, was not something that was forced unto us. At some point I guess, it did gave us the impression that we could be cool if we know stuff so that would probably had us started. Eventually, during idyllic summer days you’d see us curled in our own little corner of the house, faces buried in a book. We never usually go out of the house unless we were ask to buy something from the nearby talipapa or the nearest sari-sari store. My siblings and I were homebodies and never grew a fondness to being out of the house (happy si daddy and mommy!) so books were our primary source of adventure.
My dad had this grand dream of building his own library. He marked our books with "Pachoco Family Library" and I guess, that dream somehow rubbed off on us because we eventually shared his dream. Among the 5 of us though, I'd say I have the most boring reading list. They consist mostly of chiclit stuff, a lot of Stephen Kings and Robin Cooks, and of late obviously parenting books. I'd always be amazed with all the books that one of my sisters read. She maintains a very interesting (sorry tabby couldn't find the right word to describe it) book collection. I onced picked up one of her books but never got to finish it. They were the 1000-paged kind which about just a quarter through I'd end up falling asleep because the literature would jumble up my brain and my imagination just wouldn't function anymore. Besides the limited vocabulary that I have, I guess I'm still a baby when it comes to literary appreciation really. One day, I'd still want to get my hands and eyes on them though and be able to say that I finished a Dostoyevsky, a Pychon or a Joyce.
When I finally got around to envisioning myself as a mother, one of the things I really wished my kids would become passionate about is reading and storytelling. My sister who had already a son a year ahead of me told me to just make sure we always read to the little one when she was still a baby. So we read to her one specific story book each time till we learned the story by heart we would tell it even without reading through the book. Up until now, we didn't realized that the story was imprinted on Maia. When she finally learned to talk, she once asked for her Puppy Dog book -- "Mommy, nasan na si Puppy Dog ko? Yung puppy dog is dirty! (and Tibs wound interject - Dan and Emma wants to wash him?) Yes, yung book na yun!". We were once again blown away. We didn't expect her to remember THAT book. But she did.
happy to find a souvenir photo with the puppy dog book
We already lost that book a long time ago. It was worn out from all the chewing and throwing that endure from Maia’s infancy. The little girl also practiced her tearing skills on that book and we eventually decided to retire and throw it away. Maia's literary CV has now expanded to include Adarna published books, some Dr. Seuss’s and Eric Carle's. There are other books she'd take to bed and kiss goodnight on some days (titles of which I just can't seem to recall right now). I'm starting to see my wish coming true. I'm in no way pressuring her to make it happen, but I'm hoping that with how she's treating books these days, it eventually will.
She also developed a unusual skill of reading books upside down. Lolz.
Daddy, malaking very hungry caterpillar o!
typical bookstore scene each time we make a stopover
