Listen, Obey, Respect

I took a bath this morning but realized I forgot to bring the change of clothes that I prepared. I called the little miss and she responded instantly. I asked her if she can bring the clothes over and she didn't hesitate a single bit. She immediately brought the clothes over to me. I said thank you of course. And as always, she answers me with an enthusiastic "you're welcome, mommy" coupled with a radiant smile.

Some days, she comes inside the house sweaty from playing under the sun and I'd just simply instruct her to change her clothes and she would come out of the bedroom fresh. On weekend mornings when I would wish to sleep in for a few more minutes and her neighborhood friends are already calling for her to come out and play, I would just instruct her to brush her hair and put on a pair of shorts and she'd be out the door looking decent (and yes as if Mommy fixed her up first).



She can brush her own hair, fix her own snacks (a simple sandwich and warm milk usually), eat on her own, fill up her water bottle and replace it in the fridge. When we go out, I already assigned her to prepare her backpack and she would make sure she brings her necessities - a pack of wipes, a handkerchief or towel, a bottle of water, biscuits/crackers/cookies, a notebook and a pen, a toy.

Many parent friends have asked me how I trained my kid to be such a responsible and obedient kid. Sometimes I ask myself that too. I never followed any particular parenting philosophy but my own. I do read parenting articles from time to time. But only to get fresh insights but now never to look for tips. I have come to accept that my kid is unique on her own and I should pattern my parenting to her personality. One thing my husband and I have always stuck on to though was being firm and consistent. We have rules in the house and even as adults, we are not exempted from those rules. We try to be firm and consistent even to ourselves. We try to be the best models we can be. We try our hardest to walk the talk.

At 5 years and a half my little girl believes she can do almost anything I ask of her. She is also a very strong willed little girl. But I always remind myself not to forget that she's still a kid. And there are tasks that can still remain inappropriate for her age no matter how invincible she thinks she is. I am still the parent after all.  That I very well know I should never forget.

And this note here -- a note that I wrote one low day four years ago, when I was feeling so guilty and neglectful of my motherhood duties. To this day, this note is still stuck on my kid's study wall. "LISTEN, OBEY, RESPECT"

There are of course other values that I have been trying to teach her to imbibe but these three words are one of the first words she learned to utter and I'm glad they were.

Moving Up So Soon!

Last Tuesday, I received a note that the little girl is scheduled to have her "graduation" photo taken. I went a little sentimental, was teary-eyed even and announced to my co-worker who is a parent to a kindergarten student herself that I will have a graduate soon. We both exchanged "how fast time flies" stories for a bit. And after that talk, I realized I'm slowly transforming and gently letting go of the helicopter parent personality. I have since ceased to be overly worried about every single minute that my kid is in school. Most days during the school week, I would forget to check if she's home already. 

This school year, mostly due to drastic changes at work, I had to lie low on being super mommy. I think all these changes was probably God-driven as I would come to realize now that with me getting really busy, I've become the cool mom that I exactly wished to be. I stopped being worried about whether she's reviewed enough for an exam or if her homework is done right or if the artwork rating is perfect. Am I a bad mommy? Nah, I stopped beating myself hard on that one. I think my little girl and I finally struck our balance. I've started letting her be herself which at this point, appears to be just best approach for her personality.

I am extremely blessed to have a daughter who was born with a big, understanding heart. I missed half of the school activities she had this year but I'm lucky I have a supportive husband and a super yaya to fill in when needed. We celebrate a milestone soon! And it's all because of everyone's hardwork!

My little girl's moving up to a whole new chapter soon. Exciting times ahead! And our entire household just couldn't wait!!!

QOTD: Why Is There Night and Day?

Original post started in mid-July 

Yesterday, (probably due to sheer exhaustion) I swallowed a tiny pill of optimism and believed that I can forcefully put a hyperactive kid to bed at 6pm. The sun is still up and shining so brightly that even a thick curtain in our bedroom cannot hide.

The kid was trained that long sleeps are for nighttime and from where she was lying it just wasn't night time yet. So she just had to ask:

"do i really have to nap, Mommy? it's already late afternoon."

For which, I had to slyly reply:

"no, this isn't naptime. it's early bedtime little girl. now, close your eyes"

But Mr. Sun is still up. And I can't go to sleep yet. I'm not sleepy.

Here we go again. I thought I'm now a proud graduate of this phase. Apparently, that was all wishful thinking now.

But we can just talk here in bed, Mommy? Why is there day and night anyway? (bakit may araw at gabi? kelan ba nagiging gabi?)

Photo grabbed from here

Ahhh, an opportunity I can seize finally. So I briefly explained to her why there is night and day. I tried my hardest to provide the simplest explanation. And while I am far from calling my attempt on early bedtime a success, I seem to have hit the jackpot on this one.

I made a fist, placed an invisible pole in between my palms and told her that pole is what holds the earth. And everyday, the earth revolves around that pole while the star that is the Sun is in a fixed position. So to simplify, some places are lighted (DAY) and some places are not (NIGHT). She understood my simple explanation but I know complicated questions are going to start pouring soon. (Note to self: start investing time to do more science research.) I hope when that day comes, I'll be armed and ready.

For now, I can only wish it doesn't come real soon. I just do not want to be caught unprepared.

Found a useful link from Ehow by the way listing a few experiments you can do with your preschoolers in relation to this topic. Bookmarking it here as well for future use. :)

Evading Naptime

As a child, I hated naptimes. My grandmother, who was our primary caregiver then, was however very keen on us getting enough napping hours because she really believed that nap time was an essential part of a kid's growth. One of her tricks then to get us to nap was to tell us we will never grow an inch further if we don't take our naps. ("maputot na lang gid timo indi run timo magtaas") If there was any truth to that, I guess, you can tell by looking at me that yes I was not a fan of that afternoon activity. I would pretend to close my eyes and get up the minute my lola would leave our side to do other chores.

I never thought I'd resort to one of my lola's tricks now that I'm a mom. Not till this afternoon. Although, I did tell the little miss it was Lola Apoy who told me that missing afternoon naps will stunt my growth. It didn't bother her at all. And it didn't surprise me. That trick never worked for me anyways. Why would I ever think I can fool my own kid?

"I'm just not sleepy, Mommy. Di ba mahaba ang tulog ko kagabi?"

But you have to take enough rest during weekends so you'll have plenty of energy during schooldays, anak. Try to close your eyes now. Makakatulog ka rin.

(feigns sleep for a few seconds) "Ayaw talaga eh. Hindi ko talaga kaya matulog" (then she goes to ask me to make her some warm milk. she drank it up fast but still didn't show any sign of sleepiness after finishing a full glass)

O sige. Ako na lang ang matutulog.

So I forcefully closed my eyes to feign sleep too but ended up actually falling asleep myself. I woke up after (maybe) 15 minutes and there she was, snoring next to me with her arms wrapped tightly around her favorite bolster.

Yun lang pala ang dapat ginawa ko 'nak, di mo na lang sinabi agad.

Are naptimes also a challenge for you and your kid/s? How do you convince them to take naps without having to go through so much drama?

Raising An Independent Kid

I used to be a very bookish parent. When something scares me, I'd read up and read up thinking that if I read more about it then I'd be so knowledgeable I won't ever make a mistake about my parenting decisions. I thought reading and more research would make me a perfect parent.

But I would later find out that such is not the case. And that parenting is still led more by instinct than learned through research  And that it is a learning in progress and not something you learn overnight or over weeks of reading. I believe that each child is unique and it's probably wiser to say that they demand the equal amount of uniqueness in the parenting style department.

I'm not very fond of labels because I easily forget them and confuse them between one and the other. So I really don't have a label for the parenting style I subscribe to. What I am sure though is, I would as much (given my limitations as a working mom) want to be an active participant in raising my kid. And I believe I can only maximize that if I become intentional with my parenting decisions. 

So even if I am tempted to always give in to my kid's every whim, every want, every desire and every request I try to step back and survey my options first. I try not to be dictated by the norm which is to measure my motherhood success by being able to immediately provide for her every need (and even want). Even if turning down some of her request pinches every corner of my heart, I do it because my natural parenting instinct tells me I am teaching her to be independent by doing so.

Yes, it is very fulfilling to be able to provide for all of our kid's needs. But the fact remains, we will never always be around to give them and help them with everything they need. I do recognize that part of my responsibility as a parent is to equip and teach my daughter fundamental life survival skills. I do not have a list of what they are, I only have my own personal experiences to guide me through. I do think life has somehow equipped me with enough lessons to impart to my kid. I will try my hardest to take only what is necessary though. I would not want to overwhelm her with my must-do's. I do not want her to live my life. I want her to create her own adventures but armed with just enough wisdom from mom to help her make her own decisions.

I watched my baby grow from a very dependent infant to a strong-willed preschooler. I'm sure there's going to be more fascinating developments to look forward to in the coming years. But every time she comes to me to show proudly how she'd managed to do something on her own, my heart swells.

Such is the delight you get from being a hands on parent. My husband isn't as hands on as I am. But I do hope in time, I inspire him to get more involved. Because the fulfillment you get from it is always a hundredfold. 

Making Faces And Being In Touch With One's Emotions

When did you start introducing the idea of emotions to your kid?

When Maia was younger, one of my dreams was to raise her as a child who is very in touch with her emotions. I wanted her to be very expressive of her feelings. I wanted her to also know that it is okay to tell me how she feels anytime. But my dilemma then was, how do I first introduce her to the different types of emotions? 

PHOTO SOURCE

I thought of buying those shirts that were quite popular (mga katropa, you remember? hahaha) before which made use of smileys (i don't think emoticons or emojis were already invented then) to illustrate the different kinds of emotions. 

BUT. I never got around to finding that shirt. Or teaching her about emotions in one sitting. What I ended up doing was telling her (as they happen) what I am currently feeling every time she 'does' something. So she's pretty much aware of what happy, sad, angry, tired, proud looked like. 

Yesterday, I was reminded of this project because one of the little miss's activity book had an exercise on drawing facial expressions. And I was a little amazed by how she illustrated the emotions required on each empty face. Sleepy cracked us up since the ZZZZZZ's were unexpected. But kids do have very photographic memories and she probably remembers that most of her books usually illustrate sleep with an accompanying 'Zzzzzzzz'. 

dearest maia,

i really wish you will be as expressive of your emotions as your drawings are to me and to daddy. right now, your are most expressive when you are angry. you really growl when you are. also when you are happy. we love it the most when you are happy because we get tons of hugs and kisses. 

stay in touch with your emotions little girl. soon you will learn about frustrated, disappointed, guilty, embarrassed and every thing else in between. i hope you will continue to open up to us about all your new discoveries and learnings. it is always a fun and enlightening experience for us and we would want to be part of it as long as you would allow us to.

love you always,

mommy (and daddy too!)

On Expressing Love (that lasts forever)

While on the topic of age this morning at the breakfast table, I verbalized a bubble thought to my charming little miss:

side story: Tomorrow is Ate Inday's birthday and we are preparing for a little salu-salo of pancit and pichi-pichi tonight since we anticipate that we'd (the hubs and me) be worthless the entire day tomorrow in preparation for our marathon (we're running a full marathon at the Skyway come midnight of Feb 3rd). The little miss is very excited to celebrate with Ate Inday and she's laid out her wishes already (as if it's her birthday no?). She wants a birthday cake for the birthday celebrant and would want little loot bags to go with it (stuffed with ice 'pumps', 2 pieces of chocolates and I forgot what else but she was pretty specific about what she wanted to see in the loot bags). I then asked her if she knows how old Ate Inday is already and she just proceeded to count till 30. Here's the rest of our conversation (again I'm doing it in Tagalog because I wanted to quote everything verbatim):

M: Mas nauna si Daddy mag birthday kay Ate Inday! Di ba, Daddy?
Me: Ilang taon na ba si Daddy?
M: Ilan nga ba Daddy?
T: 34.
M: 30 si Ate Inday (ate inday is her yaya and she is really not 30, she just believes she is). Si Daddy 34. Mas madami yun.
T: E ikaw, 4 pa lang. Madami ka pa ika-count.

then i threw in the question of the day:
Me: 'Nak, pag 34 na kaya ikaw love mo pa din kami?
no hesitations what so ever:
M: OO!. 
T: Hanggang kelan mo kami love?
M: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE KO KAYO NG MADAMING DAYS!
T: Hehehe. Di mo pa kasi alam ang forever ano 'nak?

I just love sweet morning talks like this.

Young Love

My 4-year old just confessed she admitted to a boy (from her shuttle service) that she's crushing on him. (insert violent bubble thought) HUWAAAAAAAAAAAAT??!>?!$#!@$!@#

"Mommy, sabi ni Ian Karl crush nya ako (insert giggle) tapos sabi ko na din crush ko din sya!"

Altogether now: ANO?@!$#!

For about 10 seconds, she left me dumbfounded. (excuse me, where the hell did you learn about infatuation little girl?) But then Ate Inday and I recovered from our daze and I was able to gather the courage to ask her if she knows what exactly that word crush means. She nodded and went to put her palms together in crushing motion. Crush = Durog. Pambihira. (you almost gave me a heart attack. little miss!)

On my way to work, I reflected on the changes that have been happening to my baby girl lately. She really has grown A LOT since she started big school. And she undeniably is picking up a lot from her new environment these days. A year ago, I would've been exaggeratedly freaked by her confession but I'm a little tempered now. And I have somehow resigned to the fact that I can't preserve her innocence forever. Of course that doesn't mean I'm cool with her dating early (really premature for me to even start thinking about it anyway, don't you think). But I would like to believe that this is just a stage in their preschool years that comes with learning/discovering the differences between the opposite sex. 

It also calms me knowing that if I ask her who that boy is, she'd announce in a heartbeat that -- "he's my best friend in school, Mommy." And he's most probably going to stay that way for a long, long time. I WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT. 

A Chat With The Class Adviser

Upon the kid's request, we came to pick her up from school yesterday. She was specific that morning - she wanted us BOTH (her dad and me) to be there and being the spoiling parents that we are, we indulged her request. We arrived about 30 minutes before dismissal time so I thought I might as well  grab the opportunity to talk to her class adviser. I reminded myself though not to go overboard as I did promise myself, when it comes to the kid's schooling I will not be the overzealous stage mama that I was before she became an official preschooler. My only goal by initiating this talk is just to find out how the little miss is coping in class with her being a first-time preschooler. I don't really intend to ask anything academics-related. At this point, that is really the least of my concerns. I really just wanted to confirm from her teacher herself if she is having fun in school. 

While we were waiting for dismissal time, I ran down in my mind all the possible question I could ask:

- How is she in class? (that general, but i'm sure we'll eventually have more details)
- Does she get along with her classmates?
- Is she easily understood when she's called to recite or when she needs something?
- Regarding Parent-Teacher conferences, are we really required to attend? Or are there really schedules for that?

And these are the answers I got from our brief interaction:

- How is she in class? (that general, but i'm sure we'll eventually have more details)/Does she get along with her classmates?/Is she easily understood when she's called to recite or when she needs something?

Maia is really shy. But she is very diligent with her seat works and can usually work on her own after the teacher has given general instructions. (The teacher tells me she would balk when asked for a kiss. I think Maia has yet to get really comfortable around adults) She gets along with her classmates well and even has some BFFs already. And if she needs something she does not hesitate to approach Ms. J despite the shyness so Ms. J tells me that should be fine. We are hoping she'd eventually overcome the shyness at the end of the school year and eventually get comfy with the sight of her teachers. She also recites and gives answers when asked.

- Regarding Parent-Teacher conferences, are we really required to attend? Or are there really schedules for that?
As how most of the school activities are communicated, PTCs will be also communicated in the same way which is via our kids' diaries. The will attach the ARC (automated report card) notice in it for the parents to countersign. And the teacher tells me they only request parents of those kids they think merits the highest attention (re: school work issues, learning problems). Although, even if a parent did not get a PTC notice but comes to the teacher with an issue that he/she would like to discuss they will also be entertained. 

Although the talk was short, it somehow gave me the assurance that my little girl is thriving and will be alright. It gave me some sense of peace knowing that the teacher knows her students and shows concern for each of them.

Mediating A Father-Daughter 'Conflict' - a first

Tonight while Tibs was trying to brush Maia's teeth, he was kicked in the face by a little girl who was refusing and demanding for me to do it instead. Apart from the hurt ego, well, Tibs is just the type who easily loses his cool when he's hurt (I'd slap him lovingly and he's still be mad at me so I had since ceased making carino brutal) - be it as light as a pinch or as heavy as a punch. I was still thankful because he was still able to restrain himself from hitting Maia as initial reflex. I got in just in time to mediate the already rising 'conflict' between father and daughter. 

Sorry I had to document this in Tagalog. I really wanted to transcribe it from memory and I think I'll just ruin it if I translate.

Tibs: Maia! Ano ba? Bakit mo ko kailangang sipain?!#$ (usok na ilong at tenga sa galit, tumataas na din boses)

Maia: Ayaw kita mag-toothbrush sa akin! Gusto ko si Mommy!

Tibs: Hindi! Ako naman pagbigyan mo. Gusto ko rin naman mag-bonding tayo. Buong araw na kayo magkasama ni Mommy!

Maia: Hindi! (sipa. medyo lakas na sipa) 

Tibs: Maia! Tumigil ka na. Nasan na ba ang pamalo, Mommy? (tayo kunwari naghanap)

Maia: Toothbrush na ako! Matutulog na ako! (takbo sa akin, pakandong)

Me: O bakit? Sige na, tapusin nyo na ni Daddy yung pagtu-toothbrush.

Maia: Gusto ko ikaw, Mommy. Sige na ikaw na.

Me: Pagbigyan mo na si Daddy. Gusto rin nya kahit sa pagto-toothbrush makapag bonding kayo. Love mo sya di ba?

Maia: (walang imik)

Me: Bakit walang sagot? Di mo love si Daddy?

Maia: (mega-tango. paulit ulit)

Me: Hala. Bakit?

Maia: Basta ayaw ko sa kanya. Ayaw ko sya mag toothbrush!

Tibs: (galit na. higa at nagtakip ng unan) E di sige huwag. Di mo na ako Daddy! (shaks parang bata no? lolz)

Me: 'Nak, di naman yata tama yan. Ang mga daddy hindi pwede hindi nila-love kasi ikaw love na love ka ni Daddy eh. Mag-sorry na. 

Maia: Sorry daddy. I love you, we rock, sweetdreams, goodnight! 

Me: Parang di na ata yun totoo eh. Sorry ka na talaga? Love mo na talaga si Daddy? Hug mo na nga sya tsaka kiss mo na.

Maia: Daddy sorry na. (attempts to hug but the daddy refuses)
Tibs: Sino ka ba?
Maia: MAIA!

Tibs: Ano ba kita?

Maia: Anak.

Tibs and Me: (stifles laughter)

We went to finish brushing her teeth and I finally got her ready for bed. I explained to her why Daddy is mad and reminded her of our two major rules - LISTEN AND OBEY. She nodded to acknowledge that she understood (I can only hope she really did understand) and I asked her to say a short prayer of thanks and she said goodnight to everyone.

Me: O sige na matulog ka na. Bukas bumawi ka kay Daddy ha? Sabayan mo sya mag-breakfast. Tapos patikim mo sa kanya ginawa mong ice candy.

Maia: O sige Mommy. Kay Daddy ang buco, akin yung Milo no?

Tibs: Ayaw ko.

Maia: E ano gusto mo Daddy? Ha? Sa yo na ang buco. 

Tibs: Ayaw ko nga.

Maia: Mommy, tanungin mo si Daddy ano gusto nya.

Me: Okay sige. Basta matulog ka na. Bukas bati na kayo nyan ni Daddy.

Maia: Sige. Mommy...(pabulong) tanungin mo si Daddy kung love pa nya ako. Ganyanin mo balikat nya o (kalabitin ko daw)

Me: Daddy, sagutin mo daw tanong ni Maia.

Tibs: (walang kibo for 10mins tapos biglang tayo). Sige na. Bati na. Halika nga hug mo ako, bilis!

Maia: (takbo sa daddy sabay hug mahigpit then hagikhik ng tawa)

Tibs: Love na love ko to syempre. Nag iisa lang to eh. 

And that ends my transcription of tonight's events. They continued to bond for another 10 mins or so over tickles and giggles. I can only imagine what other conflicts these two will encounter in the next few years. But I do pray that each and every time that happens, they always will end up resolving it this way (and I hope I don't always have to mediate lolz). 

Haaay Maia if you only knew how much Daddy loves you. You really do not need to ask.

I can do this, Mommy!

Tibs and I always try to be hands-on during weekends. We bathe her, feed her, play with her, read, talk, share stories. We feel we owe her that much undivided time so we try our best to free up our weekends for her. On days that we can't and had to leave the house, we bring her with us as much as possible. 

I am happy we still get to be hands on parents even for just 2 days. It is during those times that we get to witness milestones first hand. They may be exhausting most times but the rewards well, they're just really priceless.

Like this weekend for instance, I was helping her into her pajamas when she stopped me and told me to let her do it because she already can. I thought to myself, oh wow, our little girl has indeed graduated to little miss independent.

Moments like this are bittersweet but I'm sure most parents can relate when I say they're also joyfully overwhelming. Milestones like this make you realize how your kids have grown and makes you realize for the nth time how fast time flies.