Curse Me Not.

I almost lost it today. I have been unbelievably patient this past 4 years but today I almost lost it. 

Maybe it was all the work-related stress that I've accumulated in the past months. Maybe it's this dark raincloud looming over our roof. I don't know. Maybe it was just PMS. Still, I'm glad my string could still spare a few inches more and I was able to hold back my tongue and restraint my anger.

She shouted at me this morning. She called me 'madaya' (unfair). Tibs and I always challenged each other's patience (pikon-talo lang) but we never ever shout at each other when we argue. Model the values that you want your kid to emulate, right? But the little girl's world has broadened since she started school, I have also come to accept that I am no longer in full control. Not that I ever wish to be. Although I was hoping I would have equipped her with just enough child wisdom to decipher the right from wrong and the good from bad by now. Most days, she does appear to have that in her already. But just not today.

Madaya. (cheater) This word is a current favorite. Every time things don't go her way, she utters that word. We wondered for days where she picked that but eventually heard it straight from a playmate. And we understood then, the censoring stops here. There's really nothing we can do but to teach her what words are age-appropriate, which words are hurtful and which words are best spoken to compliment. In short, we just have to teach her the simplest way possible how to filter her thoughts into words. Right now if you ask her if she knows what that word means, she would just respond blankly at you. The word is still empty for her. Doesn't really mean anything. It's just something she says out of frustration. But still it's almost like a cuss word if you ask me. 

I used to curse a lot when I was younger. In my childhood, I seldom heard my parents curse. I couldn't even recall now if they ever did when I was younger. When I was older they seldom did too (usually just out of sheer uncontrollable anger or extreme frustration which I already understood by then). I don't think my parents were really as mindful of their behavior as I am now as a parent. I guess, they just didn't like cursing then. But still I learned to curse outside of our home. So yes, that somehow affirms it for me. There is no guarantee that my kid will never ever learn to cuss at all.Although, I'm still hoping that when she does she would know when it's appropriate to deliver it. (i am such a control freak, aren't i?)
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