Scene: Maia puking her guts out and seeming to realize she might be saying her final goodbyes soon. I was spongebathing her like crazy. But I was surprisingly calm.
Maia: Mommy, gusto ko malamig na water. Uhaw na uhaw ako eh. Gusto ko yung cold ha. Hindi yung normal.
I thought, what the heck just give in to her request. She's not going to be around for long. So I go down and mid-way through the stairs, she shouts "Mommmyyyyyyy!" I race up again. But when I get to her, she forces a smile and tells me she's fine. "Isipin ko na lang Mommy, watercolor sila para di ako matakot no?" (referring to her scary thoughts)
So I went down again and finally got her cold water to drink. She immediately took a sip when I offered it to her. While I was holding her, I finally broke down. I asked her how will I manage without her. What if I miss her suddenly and would want to hug her.
She tells me it's okay Mommy. Just always bring with you a picture of me. And don't worry I'll always be around to watch over you.
Hagulgol na. Then I heard Tibs calling me. It turned out I was dreaming. I mean, having a nightmare. But it was so vivid. I immediately went to hug my little girl.
November 5, 2012
I decided to post this publicly now because Tibs had a similar nightmare last night. He didn't tell me the details claiming he cannot remember any of it. Only bits he says. But I have a feeling he doesn't want me to worry so he decided to withhold. And yet...I still worry. Why are we having dreams like these?